Late Night Thoughts

Is it bad that I've become jaded to goodbyes? I feel like I've gotten to the point where saying goodbye is not nearly as painful as it used to be. It used to tear me apart and now it's just another fact of life. Maybe it's because it was too painful caring so much. Maybe it's because I couldn't stand to be hurt like that again and again. I don't know. Either way - my goodbyes this year at the close of the summer aren't nearly as painful as they've been in the past. I don't know if I'm more relieved or worried.

This summer has been a source of so much growth for me. I've had hours upon hours of nothing to do but contemplate various things about life. I've read more this summer than I read the entire school year! I feel like I've taught myself to think again. Somewhere along the line I had lost that. I took everything I knew and was learning for granted and didn't take time out to really contemplate things and think them through. Seeing as how I was pathetically jobless this summer, I've had a whole lot more time for quiet contemplation and the writing out of my thoughts. I've meditated on God's word and He's been so awesome about opening it up before me. I feel like I've discovered so much treasure this summer! It's been truly amazing.

As I'm nearing the close of the summer I'm thoroughly enjoying diving into some literature from the early church fathers. Well - honestly, I've only read stuff by St. Augustine so far, but it's piqued my interest and I'm so going to continue to read up on this stuff. The way I see it is this: the early church fathers are the ones that were directly discipled by the Apostles, who walked with Jesus through his entire ministry on earth. I figure that the things that they believed are MUCH closer to what Jesus taught and the example set by the Apostles than some of the modern beliefs that are held dear in the church today. With that in mind, I begin my journey into the roots of my faith - I can't wait to see what I'm going to learn!

I've been raised in a wonderful Christian home with wonderful teaching from my parents and my church growing up - I'm firmly established in my faith and love in my Jesus...but, I've decided that it's time I go deeper and start researching things on my own instead of eating only what's spoon-fed to me. I've been studying the Bible on my own for quite some time, but I'm ready to expand my study and read the writings from some of the heroes of my faith!

I'll probably blog about my findings quite often on this blog - so be prepared! :)