late night thoughts

So, my life is insane. Absolutely insane.

I'm in this really weird place right now where absolutely nothing but my Jesus is solid in my life. Everything else seems to be up in the air or in the middle of changing. I've made decisions, but I don't know how to follow through with them, or even where to begin. I've felt horrible pangs of anger and hurt recently after discovering that I've been used, but I'm still strangely drawn to the person who has hurt me, and find myself hoping for a message from him everytime I log onto facebook...and it was through his own messages that I made my discoveries!

I'm afraid that I still put on somewhat of a happy face for most people. I'm acting really confident and assured of my life, but I'm not. On the inside I'm shaking like a leaf, scared to death of the next few steps I have to take...yet at the same time I'm sure that God's got it under control.

At the same time, a lot of my relationships are changing dramatically. Relationships with family, even! It's like everywhere I look someone's either pulling away from me or all of a sudden really interested in getting closer...not to mention long-term friendships I've had all of a sudden out of nowhere changing, as in we're relating to each other differently. Some of those relationship changes have been awesome and a huge relief, and others not so much. And...others, I haven't decided if I like the changes in the relationships at all yet.

Anyways...I'm not meaning to complain. Gosh, my entries so far have made me sound so sad...I'm really not. I just like venting to the faceless void of the internet the things I can't say to people's faces in real life.