I need this more than anything right now

I've just spent the entire night re-evaluating my decision to go live in San Angelo even though I'm not going to be in school this semester...well, I did it while sipping on chocolate and playing solitaire, but sometimes that's the best way for me to think and pray, okay?

Well - the conclusion that I came to is that I need this move more than anything. I've lost myself this summer. While I'm in Weatherford, although I'm happy, I'm living someone else's life. I'm living the life that my parents have chosen for me, or the life that my siblings have chosen. Everything I do is dependent on someone else. I desperately need the independence that I will have in San Angelo. I need to be able to make my own choices again and to chose my own activities. Everything I've done this summer has been based on what other people are doing, and I've merely been a tag-along the whole time. I need to go out on my own again, or else I'll slip into this whole world of not knowing who I am again. I'll slip into what's comfortable rather than what's right for me.

God sent me to San Angelo almost a full year ago and I didn't know it at the time, but He sent me there because I myself needed it, not because of the people that I was sent to minister to. Yes, I did a whole lot of ministry, and yes, I saw God move in some of the most powerful ways I've seen Him move in my life...but the most awesome thing about it all is the way He changed ME...and the work that He did in ME. I came back to Weatherford a completely different person - - - and in only three short months I've been slipping back into what it was that I used to be. So I know that I need this. I know that God's called me to San Angelo for His purposes, and that I'll never be truly happy anywhere other than where God has called me to be. And, that somewhere right now is San Angelo.

God never gave me a job this summer because I was being disobedient. I didn't listen to Him when He called me back to San Angelo early. I had a stupid boy on the brain and didn't want to miss the budding relationship...so, that got taken away, too, but still I refused to listen to God laying the road marks that led back to San Angelo...I went along my merry little way flippantly enjoying my time in Weatherford rather than soaking up what it was that God had for me in San Angelo...and I'm kicking myself for that. Who knows how much of God I missed out on by not being obedient this summer??? I feel terrible for not obeying Him!

But, now, I can't refuse the call that He's placed on my life. I can't refuse to move down there and start out on a new adventure. God's called me to great things and I can't wait to see just what they are...and just what He has in store for me this year in San Angelo. (And, every time I type the name of the city I think to myself "of all the places He could have sent me to...why San Angelo?" lol.)

So, no matter who believes in me, and who thinks I can or can't do this - - - I'm following what, after a whole night of praying and thinking, I'm absolutely positive is God's plan for my life!